someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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