In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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