just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
