A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
4 words: hood of his car
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
