Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
