i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
