He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my poor anus
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
