Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
