Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
