I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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