he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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