All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
