loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
