Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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