He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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