I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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