She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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