I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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