Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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