So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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