I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
