I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
