you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
