you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
