I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
