It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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