Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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