EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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