hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
