idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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