my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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