i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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