New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can text with my tongue
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
