the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
