I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
