i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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