Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
