Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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