Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
