Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
