i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
