I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
