she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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