Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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