i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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