Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
