she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
