im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
