My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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