So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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