Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize