I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
