Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
