I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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