I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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