No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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