I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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