What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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