I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
