just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
