I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
