Your mouth is God's brothel.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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