i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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