i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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