Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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