he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
