My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
