the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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