I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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