Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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