i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
