This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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