I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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