you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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