Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
