The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
