it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
