I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Found the puke drawer
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
