dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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