So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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