btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
